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One night, while lying on the bed naked, she began to cuddle up with her favorite blanket. It was a quilt her aunt made for her a few years back. It was thick and oh, so warm and comfortable. She was listening to her favorite Jimmy Reed album and imagining Jimmy was talking to her when he sang 'but I'm a natural born lover, yea I'm a real good lover'. She imagined Jimmy as a big man with big strong hands, someone who could hold her and keep her warm and safe at night. She began to roll around on the blanket, flush with excitement. She held the blanket close to her, folding it over her erect nipples. The blanket around her made her feel safe and warm and secure. She named it 'Jimmy'.These encounters with Jimmy became a regular thing. Every night, she would leave the cares and worries of the day for the security of her room. Every night she would lock the door, put on her favorite Jimmy Reed album and lie naked on the bed allowing the primal rhythms and sexual lyrics to put her in a. Roberts, were dedicated to preserving andrealizing my fantasy life. I could now see that Sarah had shared myfantasy - she encouraged me after all - but only to a point. I hadassumed, mistakenly, that Sarah was as content as I was with living inthe world the two of us had created. But she wanted to live in the realworld. Maybe that wasn't so unreasonable.I let my mind race while I lay atop the bedcovers.But if Sarah was going to leave me to live in the real world, how could Ipossibly continue to live alone in this fantasy world? I realized atthat moment that without Sarah to depend on, to shield me, to care forme, I could not continue to exist in this bizarre limbo. I would need toreenter the real world and have my own identity and existence. I wouldneed a real existence, not a fantasy one. But what kind of real existence would it be?Would it be as a man or as a woman?I thought about Caitlin's suggestion, just a few days earlier, thatperhaps I would be happier moving farther.
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